Maternity Experience

Birth Trauma

Don’t call me high risk! #MyPositivePregnancy

This post was written during my 4th pregnancy, my journey towards a VBA3C. Throughout this pregnancy I was fit and healthy yet classed as high risk due to having had three previous c-sections. 

Don’t call me high risk.

Don’t take heed of the warnings that spew out into the papers at an alarming rate. A VBAC is not a disease, or a dirty word. A woman who has had a c section is not ‘risky business’. I am a woman who wants to give birth to her baby. To feel her baby. To be awake to see her baby take the first breath, open their eyes onto this world and feel their skin against mine. I am a woman who wants to be one of the first people to hold her baby. I am a woman who wants to sit up and hold her baby. To feed her baby with arms that feel the life within. I am a woman who wants to tell the world her baby’s name; not discover it for herself when she wakes.

Don’t call me high risk. Don’t greet my intentions with raised eyebrows and furrowed smiles. Don’t assume that my intentions will not be ‘allowed’. Don’t deny me the chance to be normal for once.

Don'r call me high risk_ my positive pregnancy~ Ghostwritermummy.co.uk

This weekend I came across this article by Milli Hill (@millihill) and I found myself nodding along to almost every word.

When my body screamed out to me that my son was on his way, the ‘High Risk’ label echoed the cry and we called the hospital straight away, as we’d been told. We went straight in, as we were told. We never questioned a thing and we never assumed that we were anything but high risk. The fact that I was labelled as High Risk left me in no doubt- what I was doing was scary. I wanted no part of it. But in actual fact, lots of women have a VBAC, and the fact that we didn’t should not be held against me.

This time, I am a woman striving for a VBA3C. And supposedly higher risk than ever before. And yet I feel more positive this time than I ever have. Whether it is age, experience, or having come to a point of peace with what has gone before, I do not know. But I do not feel scared. I do not feel High Risk. I feel like a woman who passes a mirror and catches sight of her swollen body and smiles, stops to capture the moment; when once I would have collapsed inside.

I feel like a woman with a life growing inside. I feel special. I feel on the edge of something wonderful. I feel strong. Strong enough to question decisions that are made for me. Strong enough to face the fear that I know will come as the weeks pass by. Strong enough to cast aside my label and just be a woman giving birth. For once.

That is my positive pregnancy. It’s taken four attempts to get here and I’m going to hold on to it.

To find out more about #MyPositivePregnancy, #TeamMama and Mama Academy,please click here. You can also read about the Made to Measure campaign here  and if you have a moment, please sign the petition urging all UK trusts to help save 1000 babies by adopting The Perinatal Institute’s GAP programme.

 

Share the Word About MatExp!

Birth trauma and PTSD – Raising awareness

darkest-passages-the-heart-is-unconquerable-dale-pelzer

When people think about post traumatic stress they often think of a soldier, returning from battle traumatised and battered by the ravages of war and the terrible things seen and experienced.

However PTSD doesn’t only affect those affected in the aftermath of war or a terrible natural disaster or violent act. PTSD can also affect someone in circumstances that should be safe, that should be happy, that should be the start of an amazing journey. For some women the birth of their baby can be traumatic and can be a trigger for PTSD that can severely affect their life. It can affect bonding with their baby, relationships with family and friends, doing everyday activities and physical health. So what is birth trauma and PTSD and how can we help and support women that are suffering?

Firstly what is birth trauma?

Birth trauma is in the eye of the beholder’ (Cheryl Beck) and this is true. What is traumatic to one woman may not be traumatic to another woman. Each woman’s experience of birth is unique to her and many things can add to a woman feeling her birth was traumatic. For some it maybe that her birth was a truly scary event, she may had been in an emergency situation where her life and that of her baby was at risk. Maybe her labour was very lengthy and very painful. It may be that a woman’s birth had high levels of medical intervention, such as induction, caesarean section, episiotomy, or other medical issues. It may be that a woman gives birth early and her pre-term baby requires care in NICU. Sadly some women have a birth that results in damage or injury to her baby and some lose their babies at birth.

For other women trauma can result from the way she is looked after by the staff responsible for her care both during the birth of her baby but also postnatally. She may feel a loss of control, dignity and privacy. There may have been a lack of information or a woman may feel she wasn’t listened to and her choices not respected or overlooked. She may feel she had medical procedures done without her consent or without proper explanation or that she was left with no choice. Or maybe unkind, cruel words and actions made her feel vulnerable and exposed.

Some women find birth triggers or adds to previous trauma such as rape or domestic abuse.

Often women who feel traumatised from their birth will feel isolated, other women may not understand why she feels traumatised, after all isn’t childbirth a ‘natural thing’? So a woman can feel guilty and somehow ‘weaker’ than other women for being unable to ‘cope’ with birth . She may feel she should be over the ‘birth’ and often well meaning friends and family will say things such as “at least you are ok and you have a healthy baby”. This only confounds the woman’s feelings and makes her feel more isolated and can damage relationships with partners, family members and friends as a woman feels no one understands and so she withdraws deeper into the trauma. Depending on the nature of the trauma a woman may feel unable to have further medical tests such as smear tests. Sex may also be affected as a woman may fear further pregnancies, or even just the act of physical intimacy itself. Many women who suffer birth trauma may struggle to bond with their baby, others become overly anxious of their babies health and wellbeing and constantly worry about every aspect of caring for their newborn.

For a woman that has lost a baby during birth or whose baby has been injured during birth she may experience overwhelming guilt, she may feel like it is her fault that she somehow failed her baby or that she should somehow have prevented it. She may play over and over again the birth in her head seeking answers or ways she could have changed the outcome.

Feeling like they have no voice, are misunderstood and weak many women will seek to hide their true suffering and ‘carry on’, the weight of trauma bearing down on them crushing hope, light and happiness as they try desperately to cling to normality. Everyday tasks become hard and just coping day to day can feel overwhelming. Their physical health too may suffer, as the effects of trauma ravage them mentally. Lack of sleep, trouble eating and the constant struggle all takes its toll. Flashbacks may take them back to the event reliving moments, even smells and conversations causing great distress and anxiety.

So what is PTSD and how does it differ from postnatal depression?

Often women can be wrongly diagnosed with PND when in reality they have PTSD.  While PTSD and PND can overlap as they do have some similar symptoms, they are very different. Its important that a woman receives a correct diagnose so she can have the support, help and therapies she needs. PTSD is the clinical term for a set of normal reactions to a traumatic, scary or bad experience or event. It can occur after a person experiences or witnesses something that was or they perceive to have been life-threatening.

Signs of PTSD include:

  • Feelings of intense fear, helplessness and/or terror.
  • The re-experiencing of the event by recurrent intrusive memories, flashbacks and/or nightmares. The individual will usually feel distressed, anxious or panicky when exposed to anything which remind them of the event.
  • Avoidance of anything that reminds them of the trauma. This can include talking about it, the place where the trauma happened or people that may have been involved in the trauma. (such as hospitals, doctors, healthcare professionals) Even T.V programs or books maybe avoided.
  • Bad memories and flash backs often result in difficulties with sleeping and concentrating, thus affecting daily activities. Sufferers may also feel angry, irritable and be hyper-vigilant or jumpy, easily startled.
  • Suffers may suffer panic attacks, depression and anxiety. They may feel detached, alone and have a sense of something bad may happen to them or their loved ones.

It is important to remember that PTSD is beyond the sufferer’s control. It is the mind’s way of trying to make sense of an extremely scary traumatic experience and are not a sign of an individuals ‘weakness’ or inability to cope. The person cannot just ‘get over it’ or ‘pull themselves together’ or ‘move on’. Rather they need help and support to process not only what has happened to them but also the feelings surrounding it.

So what can help a woman who has suffered birth trauma or PTSD?

For partners, family and friends its important to acknowledge what has happened to the women and her feelings surrounding it. Encourage her to talk about her feelings if she is able to. Help her to see you want to try to understand how she is feeling and that you recognise how traumatised she may feel.  Reassure her that you are there for her and that you will help in anyway you can. You maybe the only person that she trusts. Encourage, commend show compassion and empathy. Emotional support is invaluable, even if it’s just a listening ear or a hug. Realise that there may be things or activities that she may not yet feel ready to do, be patient and show understanding.

Encourage her to get help, whether it be her GP, health visitor, midwife or a charity such as the Birth Trauma association or Mind. This will not be easy as she may have a fear and distrust of telling anyone how she really feels especially a healthcare professional. Reassure her of your support, maybe offering to attend any appointments with her if she wishes. Asking for help will be hard, and so will the time undergoing any therapies being there for her providing emotional support is so important.

Also, helping with daily activities can mean so much, helping her get much needed rest offering to prepare a meal, or to do some shopping can also be invaluable.

Helping someone with PTSD can be difficult and frustrating.Partners and family can feel lost and confused too. Reading up on PTSD can help you understand it and how it can affect someone that is suffering.

Of course some partners too can feel traumatised and suffer from PTSD after seeing the birth of their baby. It is important they too seek help and support.

What about healthcare professionals?

Its important that any healthcare professional’s when supporting a woman after birth build a relationship built on trust. LISTEN, this is the single most important thing to a woman who is suffering. Listening enables you to truly know what she has been through, how she is feeling and whats important to her and her family.  Listening will enable you to know if she is likely to be suffering PTSD or any other perinatal mental health disorder. Listen also to her partner and family, they know her best, if they feel something isn’t right or reach out for your support then be there.  Ask for training in order to help you understand the different types of perinatal mental health issues and know the pathways and any local support available to signpost a women to.  Be careful of language used and do not minimise her feelings or experience.  If you know a woman has had a traumatic birth from postnatal notes etc, ASK, don’t ignore it.

What can a woman who has had birth trauma/PTSD do for herself?

  • Speak to someone, partner, family, friends, midwife, health visitor, GP. Don’t suffer in silence.
  • Remember you are not alone, there are others too that have been affected by birth trauma.
  • Remember you are not to blame.
  • Look after yourself, make sure you rest and eat a good balanced diet. Do things, activities that help you to relax.
  • Know your limitations and what you can do both physically and emotionally.
  • Speak to your hospital about your experience. Some women ask to see their medical notes and discuss exactly what happened to them and why.
  • Seek help and treatment. There are various treatments for PTSD such as counsellingEye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) and medication.
  • Find local support groups or support groups on social media (such as birth trauma facebook support page)

Birth trauma is real and so is PTSD, its important that women get the help and support they need to overcome it. The birth of her baby can affect a woman for the rest of her life, it may not be possible to completely prevent birth trauma but what we can do is support women when things do go wrong and make sure that we show them love, compassion, kindness and help even at the darkest times so they believe that it will be possible to bathe in light again.hafiz-quote1

my story of birth trauma

Emma Jane Sasaru

@ESasaruNHS

Share the Word About MatExp!

What is a ‘Positive’ birth?

The experience of birth will stay with a woman her whole life time


Ask any women her birth story and she will recount it with easy, there is no experience that can compare to bringing a tiny baby into the arms of a loving family. The effects of a birth experience will stay with a woman her whole life , it can effect her subsequent births, her health, her relationships, sometimes for the rest of her life.

So what is a positive birth? What can we do to help women have a positive birth?

As with all things in life choice is very important and this is no different when it comes to birth. Choice is so important for women and should be the foundation of any birth. Women should be aware of their choices and what is available for them. Is there a midwife led unit she can use? Will she be able to have a home birth? What about free birthing? Can she elect to have a cesarean section? These are all things a woman may wish to consider when choosing how to have her baby. Consider how much thought may go into the purchase of a pram. I know couples that have spent months researching and looking at all the different prams available. Shouldn’t we be helping and making sure that just as much thought and research is going into the choices for birth?

What’s also important is accurate evidence based information that will enable a women to make an informed choice. How far from a hospital is she if she chooses a home birth? What are the risks of a cesarean section and the results for future pregnancies? What actually is free birthing? Why has it been recommended to have the baby in a hospital? By good communication and giving accurate information women can be helped to make a informed choice that is right for them and their baby.

So what makes a birth positive?

Think about a day or an event that you enjoyed lately that you view as positive. What made it positive? Maybe it was who was there, or the place you went or what you did. Does a positive event mean that it always goes to plan with everything prefect? No, sometimes even when things don’t go to plan they are still positive. Will everyone have the same view of what is positive and does everyone view the same experiences as positive? Chances are what you find positive someone else wont. So when it comes to birth it is very individual. Every woman has her own view of what a positive birth is.

Picture for a moment a woman, she was desperately looking forward to the birth of her baby, however something went wrong and her beautiful baby was born sleeping. Now she is pregnant again, she is racked with fear, anxiety fills every day as she worries about the safety of her baby. She desires control, needs reassurance of medical staff and the technology they process. For this woman her choice for her birth is a cesarean, her baby delivered, well and alive in a controlled way, at her choosing. As her baby is lifted from her body and she hears the cry of her newborn baby relief, joy and hope fills her heart. This is her positive birth.

Now picture a woman whose previous birth was traumatic an emergency cesarean with much medical interventions. Her recovery was long and feeding was difficult. But this time she wishes to stay at home as long as she can. She wants to trust her body to birth her baby and believe that she can safely bring her little one into the world. She wants calmness and solitude and as little intervention as possible. So she hires a doula that supports her at home till the journey to hospital.  Once there in a room thats dark and quiet, with time and the support of her partner she births her baby on all fours into her own hands and she feels at peace. This is her positive birth.

Then there’s the woman that is terrified of birth, of hospitals and doctors. Abused as a child she has trouble trusting people. Yet tears are streaming down her face as she holds her newborn baby, with her is a midwife she trusts and she feels safe in the beautiful room of her local midwife lead unit. Around her are her things that bring her comfort and peace. Her favourite song is playing as the warm waters of birth pool lap around her soothing her tired body. This is her positive birth.

A positive birth will be different for every woman, what matters is what birth means to her. It’s important that a woman’s choice is supported and her wishes understood and as far as possible she is able to have the birth she wishes.

Of course sometimes things don’t go as planned and the birth a woman wants and has planned may not happen. However we can still make sure that it is positive. How?

Firstly communication. Always should a woman know what is happening and why. Explaining what is happening gives the woman confidence and builds trust with those who are caring for her. Understanding the things happening too her will easy anxiety and lessen fear. Don’t forget communication means listening too!

Secondly choice. No matter what is happening the woman still should be given choices. Allowing a woman to have choice even in difficult situations means we give control back to her and her birth.

Thirdly, dignity, respect and compassion feed positivity. Always should a woman feel that she has been treated with dignity by everyone around her. Small things like asking before doing checks and saying please and thank you go a long way. A woman should never be judged or labeled. Respect should be shown her and her choices and her concerns and fears. It maybe that her choices are difficult for us to understand but still they are hers and we must respect them. Never should a woman be spoken to unkindly or her needs ignored.

What about Compassion?

Compassion is the emotion that one feels in response to the suffering of others that motivates a desire to help. Compassion is really the act of going out of your way to help physical, spiritual, or emotional hurts or pains of another’

Compassion should move those who support a woman in birth to go out of their way to help her.  She is someone’s wife, sister, daughter, she has her own story, feelings, needs, fears, concerns. Care should be individual for each woman taking into account her personality, her background, her current situation. This may sound like an impossible task but is it? Ask yourself if it was you what would you want? More importantly as we said at the outset if the way a woman births stays with her her whole life time then we must do everything we can to make her birth positive. so that she looks back on it and remembers that those around her did everything they could to make her feel loved. images (15)

Emma Jane Sasaru

@ESasaruNHS

Share the Word About MatExp!

Why the wonderful #matexp has given me hope

believe-quotes-11


Imagine, a consultant, a midwife, a doula, a support worker, a commissioner, a campaigner and a mother all coming together to help support and improve maternity services for all women and their families.

Wonderful you may say, but will this really ever happen you may wonder? The answer is yes!

#MatExp is a wonderful grassroots campaign using the Whose Shoes?® approach to help identify and help improve our national maternity services. By means of workshops in local hospitals users of maternity services are brought together with others to join conversations about their experiences of maternity care and share what really made a difference to them personally and their experience and talk about ways that care can be improved. These workshops enable health care professionals (in and beyond the NHS) and local communities to listen and work in partnership with women and their families to find ways to improve local and national maternity services. Anyone can take part whether your a maternity service user, partner, community group or NHS staff, from chief executive to volunteer all are welcome to attend and share. Also on twitter using the hashtag #Matexp there are many amazing people sharing personal stories, experiences, achievements and ways they are actively trying to improve care both in there local hospitals but nationally too.

I personally have been involved in a #Matexp campaign for NHS change day. It was action 5 – ‘life with a new baby’ as breastfeeding champion along with the lovely Helen Calvert. Personally for me #Matexp has been really wonderful and something im proud to be part of. After suffering poor care with my first birth and subsequent birth trauma and PTSD, #Matexp has given me hope.

Hope that things can change.

Hope that women will be the centre of maternity care.

Hope that the culture of birth and our maternity services will improve.

Hope that the voices of women will finally be heard.

As part of #Matexp I have made contact with some amazing people such a Flo, Gill, Rachel and Helen as well as fantastic midwives such as Jenny and mothers such as Leigh. All are doing amazing things to improve services for women often after personal experiences. Knowing that there are so many people who genuinely want to work to improve services and make care better and who truly value women has helped me heal and also restored my belief in maternity care. It has given me the opportunity to to tell my story and then feel part of improving things to make care given better for others something I am so passionate about. It has also given me confidence to be bold and change things in my own job and NHS trust as I feel supported by some amazing people. Seeing their successes has spurred me on and helped me believe that we can all make a difference.

More importantly #Matexp has given me hope. Hope that one day we will provide a maternity experience that is individualised, respectful, gives dignity and allows for informed choice. That puts a woman, her baby, her family and their needs first. It will mean birth experiences that do not result in trauma but that even under difficult circumstances will make a woman feel loved, protected and supported. Yes I have hope, because finally not only has my voice been heard but the voices of women everywhere will be heard, no matter who they are, what they do, or what choices they made. Why is this so important, because your birth experience stays with with you the good and the bad, it can have a profound effect on you as a family as you start on your journey as parents. All women, babies and families are special and deserving of the best maternity care possible. So join in, get involved and share your stories and your ideas. There’s exciting times a head in #Matexp and together we can make a difference.
BillGatesQuote-690x1024

Emma Jane Sasaru

@ESasaruNHS

Share the Word About MatExp!

#MatExp at 36+2 – dangerously understaffed

One final blog post in this initial round of #MatExp feedback from my Facebook group.  Once again, this story is told in the mum’s own words….

“I had a very straightforward pregnancy and was expecting to to go overdue (I was born 14 days late).

My waters broke at 36 + 2 with absolutely no warning, I’d had some indigestion earlier in the day but that had gone by the evening and I was out for dinner with my partner, his Grandad and his Grandad’s friends. We live in Manchester and the meal was in Wakefield, my waters going was very obvious and completely mortifying but luckily I was wearing black jeans and restaurant floor was pretty dark. We called Pinderfields Hospital (a couple of miles from the restaurant) who said to come in as my waters had gone before 37 weeks.  I got to the hospital at about 9.30pm and I was hooked up to a monitor for 2 hours which confirmed that the baby’s heartbeat was fine. They were clearly very busy but at about midnight I was examined and they also confirmed that I was not in labour, I wasn’t having any pain at this stage. They said that because I was early I would have to be induced within 24 hours if it didn’t happen naturally or I could go back to Manchester where they have a different policy and they’d let me go to 37 weeks (not sure this was true). They said they couldn’t advise us to move to Manchester but they didn’t think it would be a problem.  I felt pretty confident as I wasn’t having any contractions and I’d been reassured by the monitoring. I was also worried about the baby being small and so I was keen to go to 37 weeks if possible. All my notes, stuff for hospital etc was all in Manchester. 

St Mary's Hospital, Manchester
St Mary’s Hospital, Manchester


We decided to leave and waited 2 hours for a discharge letter (during this time we drove to a nearby garage for water and haribo) eventually they said they’d call St Mary’s instead and we left, the journey only took about 40 minutes and we got to St. Mary’s at 3.30am. I’d started to feel pains in the car and by the time we arrived at St Mary’s these were 3-4 mins apart. They weren’t strong and seemed quite bearable but I had no idea whether they were ‘proper’ contractions. I told them this when we arrived and they were quite dismissive, they said someone would talk to me about pain relief after a doctor had seen me and I couldn’t do anything before seeing a doctor as I was now high risk.

I was then told to wait in a small, hot triage room and my partner was sent home (an hour round trip) for my notes. Over the next three hours nurses came in periodically (never the same one twice) and I was put on a monitor for a while. I asked if I could moved to a room with a pool (as in my vague birth plan) but we were told we couldn’t have one, then I asked for a normal bath or shower but I was told I couldn’t have anything until a doctor had seen me. It felt like I was left for a really, really long time. I didn’t have anything practical with me (other than my kindle) and was still in my jeans and boots. Contractions were getting more frequent, I kept sending my partner out to see if someone could come and either no one was there or they told him no one was free, a nurse eventually gave me two paracetamol. 

Finally, three hours after we arrived I told him that he had to make someone come, I still didn’t know whether I was properly in labour and I wasn’t sure I would be able to cope with the pain. I felt like I needed the loo but it was a huge effort to make it down the corridor to the patient toilets. I was starting to think that I was in labour, but if not I definitely wanted all the pain relief available! I’d had about 20 minutes of quite serious pain and I had heard stories of people being in labour for days. Finally, at about 7 am a doctor arrived to examine me and told me I was fully dilated (which was a huge relief) and then it all happened really fast. 

I was rushed round to the birthing suite where there were two midwives, they hooked me up to gas and air but then said I couldn’t have it as I had to push. I was flat on my back and in quite an uncomfortable position, I felt like it was too late to move and no one asked if I wanted to, even though I was staring at a ‘natural birth positions’ poster all the way through. The pushing was quite painful but much easier to cope with as I knew it would be nearly over. I heard a loud pop and (I think) I cracked a rib. That was the most painful bit. The pushing stage was very short and in 15 minutes the baby was out. I had a second degree tear but didn’t feel it at all at the time. As I was pushing the midwife told me that I was going to tear which I didn’t find particularly helpful. 

They put the baby straight on me and it was amazing, I felt much less tearful than I had expected as I think I was in shock. After about 5 minutes we looked and saw that she was a girl (we didn’t know beforehand). To our relief, she was obviously not tiny even though she was early and when she was weighed we were told that she was 7lb 5oz. I think I had an injection and the placenta was out very soon afterwards, I wasn’t paying much attention. The next few hours were brilliant but then I did start to get sore, they were still waiting for a doctor to sew me up and in the end it wasn’t done until 4 hours after the birth. I had gas and air while the local anaesthetic was going in.

The stiches felt fine until the local anaesthetic wore off and then the pain was unbelievable, far worse than any part of the labour, I fainted and then lost a lot of blood. I was given paracetamol (again) without being examined and told, quite patronisingly, that I could expect it to hurt for a while. I tried to explain that it was too much pain to cope with but probably wasn’t very coherent. At this point my partner had baby (with no real clue what to do) and was trying to get someone to help as I kept fainting. I didn’t want to take her as I was so shaky I was worried I’d fall off the bed. Eventually, after a couple of hours a midwife looked at my stitches and said that there was a haematoma the size of her fist (nice) which was pushing out all the stitches. They said this would have to be drained and my stitches redone but by that time I didn’t care, I was just so happy that they were going to do something about the pain. I was told that I could have an epidural (finally!) for the procedure. I was supposed to be waiting for a slot in theatre but another midwife came in to borrow some equipment and noticed that I had lost a lot more blood. She went to get someone who was looking after me and then they said I would have to have a general anaesthetic because of the blood loss. I was rushed round to theatre where I was knocked out. They sorted out the stitches and gave me a blood transfusion.

I came round a few hours later and spent the first night on the high dependancy unit. This was (comparatively) brilliant as I had my own room and a nurse there most of the time. I had drips in both hands and my ribs and stitches were very, very painful so it was fantastic to have someone help lift my daughter out of the cot. Unfortunately after that we were taken to the ward and that was just awful.

My little girl hadn’t been able to breastfeed as she had a tongue tie, this was recognised straight away but we didn’t see the same midwife twice and they kept saying that she might manage it anyway. Because she was early she was being cup fed formula as they were monitoring something (possibly blood sugar) and my milk hadn’t come in. I ended up staying in for 5 nights trying to establish feeding but baby just wasn’t interested and when she did latch on she couldn’t suck. We were told she had to be either breastfeeding successfully or bottle feeding, we couldn’t go home cup feeding. I was so exhausted after 4 nights on the ward that we just decided to bottle feed her to get out of hospital. 

The time in hospital seems like such a blur as I was just so tired, my partner, mum etc all helped as much as they could during the day but I was still left alone from 8pm until 10am every night with almost no support. Sometimes there was a midwife around to help during the night but often not and with painful ribs/stitches I did feel like I needed help. Baby didn’t settle unless she was on me (which I knew was totally normal) and I fell asleep like that several times. Being back home was amazing, I was finally able to sleep for more than 20 minutes and I was able to enjoy my baby. 

The midwives that looked after me were all lovely but they were dangerously understaffed, I rarely saw the same one twice and I think this caused problems afterwards, I had to explain about Anna’s tongue tie every time someone tried to help with feeding and almost everyone mentioned that residual pain relief from labour was probably causing her feeding problems without bothering to look and see that I hadn’t had any. 

Being on the ward with no support was dangerous, I would never have fallen asleep with my baby on me in such a precarious position at home because I could have had her in the bed with me and I would have had support, or someone to take her so I could nap for 20 minutes. 14 hours is too long to have to look after a newborn with no help and in unfamiliar surroundings. Allowing partners to stay overnight would have changed the whole experience for me, even having a shorter period with no partners/visitors (e.g 12-6am) would have been so much better, 6 hours is manageable. 

I’m very aware that I was incredibly lucky to have an ‘easy’ birth (and my daughter is heathy and wonderful) but I’m still so angry about how I was treated, I think a lot if the fear and difficulty I had was purely due to the treatment in hospital and not the birth process at all – so unnecessary.” 

Share the Word About MatExp!

1 2